I got to hold Ella in a kangaroo hold tonight. Oh my goodness, it was awesome! They layed her sweet body on my chest skin to skin. She was upset and crying right before they put her on me. Immediately after being put on my skin, she stopped crying. She slept so hard for those 30+ minutes. It was just the therapy mommy needed!
When they took her off my chest, she started crying again. But, she got to snuggle up with Daddy for about 30 minutes. She immediately quit crying when Daddy held her, too. She loves her Daddy time!
I'm missing seeing my boys. I'm so torn between going to see Ella and spending time with Carson and Cooper. I did get some good hugs from Carson when I got home tonight, though! He's such a sweet boy! Coop was already asleep. I'm tempted to go sleep in the bed with both of them :)
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I say go sleep w/ them :) I'm so happy that you got to hold her in a kangaroo hold tonight! Getting to hold them skin to skin is amazing. Hopefully you'll get to do that more and more. Traci, I'm praying so hard for you and Jason. I just wish that there was more that I could do to help. Oh, I'll let you know when those preemie clothes get here. Nici should be sending them to me anyday now. Love you friend.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you had a wonderful day today. I'm so glad you are having this opportunity to bond with Ella. She is just an adorable little girl. Great here to hear she is doing well. Love ya.
ReplyDeleteChristine
I hope you are in bed with those little boys right now! It must be impossible not to be torn, but you have to do what you have to do and everyone will be okay in the end. You have such wonderful grandparents and the boys are gonna be spoiled while you are with Ella. Kangaroo hold sounds so wonderful. Probably the best possible treatment for you guys and for her. Thank you for posting all these updates. It helps me feel connected when I can't be there in person. Ella is proving to be so tough! And, let me just say a big "wow" on the milk production! Impressive! Trace, your faith through all this really is an inspiration. Love you guys so much. Amy
ReplyDeleteTraci-- That conflict between taking care of one and not having enough of yourself for the others is something that we all struggle with (though you are facing it in the extreme right now). You are a good mama to your boys and they are getting what they need, even if it isn't as much of you as you would like to give them. We all want so much to give our kids everything we have. A wise woman once reminded me that God doesn't give us more than we can handle (that line royally pissed me off at the time). She said that meant that we would be able to give everyone what they truely needed, but didn't mean that everyone got what they wanted or what I wanted to give them. It was hard to hear and I felt like a failure at the time. But looking back I know she was right. I wish for you the peace that this conversation eventually gave me. It gave me permission to do my absolute best (which you're doing), it allowed me to let go of my guilt and realize that God has a plan and that while I might want to be everywhere at once, I couldn't, but He was looking after my kids and He would not allow them harm. Do your best and that is all you can do. Ella is beautiful and you amaze me! I continue to pray for Ella, that she will continue to thrive, grow strong and healthy. I pray that God will carry you, Jason and the boys through this very hard time. Lots of love, prayers and positive thoughts, Tammy
ReplyDeleteYay for skin to skin contact! and Praise God for milk production!
ReplyDeletekangaroo is the BEST!! but don't rock and don't pat and don't move!! then don't put me in a rocking chair!! ha! ha!
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